someone threw a dead crab at me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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