so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Someone came in the potted fern
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
