he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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