she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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