this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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