She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
