How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Randomize
