At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
