How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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