return my video game
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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