man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
