i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
