i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
