And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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