So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
