She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
