I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
