I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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