we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Bring me that man meat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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