I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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