do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
