I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
