No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
