whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
