i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
