I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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