Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
