So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
