If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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