There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
