Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
