Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
