Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
