Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
