I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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