I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
