the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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