This is not my ceiling
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I won the penis lottery.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
