We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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