i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
