You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
