Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
