I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
