they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
