can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
