I looked at my own cervix.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
