i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
