The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
