yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Come see our sink grown plant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize