The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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