It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
