I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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