im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
