It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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