I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize