I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
