we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
