I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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