Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
