Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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