So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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