He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
