Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
