It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
