what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
