and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
