I skipped work to stalk him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
