If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
