the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
