those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
