how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
