Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
