Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
